Why I'm Pledging Self-Love

Tuesday, 9 October 2018

Before we begin, I just thought I would warn you that this post is going to be a bit of a ramble. Maybe I should have just kept this to myself, or have written this as a long Instagram caption, but either way, this piece of writing has definitely been a long time coming for me.

Self-love, self-confidence, and well anything that you can use with the prefix 'self':

They all scare me.

They all make me feel like s**t.

But, they also have made me realise a few things.

I have written a number of posts about self-confidence in the past; being proud of the work I produce and the career paths I have chosen to take. On the other hand, when it comes to self-confidence in the sense of 'loving one's self physically,' that has been something I haven't really opened up about.

quote self-love self-confidence

When I first started my blog, I wanted it to be fashion-based. I've always loved styling and clothing, so I wanted to use this platform to share my outfits. The last time, well let's be real here, the only time my face has appeared on this blog (not including that lone sidebar image), was in April 2014 - the very first post I had ever written. Even then, it was only from the neck up. Blogging was completely new to me, and I hadn't found my place or a supportive network just yet, so I wasn't exactly comfortable enough to be in my own fashion posts. This wasn't just an internet thing though. If you managed to get me in a photo, a gold star for you. But if you managed to get a full body image of me, then you deserve an unlimited amount of gold stars because stuff like that never happens.

I honestly envy anyone who has the confidence to get in front of the camera.

I could go back in time to find the source of the problem on why I hated myself so much, but sometimes you've got to forget about the past and start taking charge of your own feelings. Over the past five or six months, I have been more aware of the lack of self-love I have been giving to myself. I know it's time to make a change, so I have been working really hard on it, which is why I am even able to write this post. I don't know why, but I always feel so vulnerable when it comes to talking about the things I don't like about myself, even with posts like this which have a positive ending (sorry to spoil that for you).

.@helloaycan is sharing why she is pledging self-love

I have been planning the reshuffle of my blog from early 2018, where I sat down and really thought about the direction I wanted my content to go in. I got rid of any topics that I didn't have a passion for or anything I hadn't spoken about in a long time. 'Fashion' was, of course, one of those topics. I thought to myself I could just get rid of it, and I would never have to think about it again, but I didn't want that. I'm one of those people who critique themselves quite a bit, but that's one of the things I really like love about myself. I'm always striving to be the best person I can be, especially when it comes to my mental health. I know how important self-love is, and I know how much I deserve it. Getting rid of the topic 'fashion' meant a lot more than just deleting something - it meant burying myself, and the ambitions I have just to make myself feel comfortable. Not putting myself out there just to allow me that comfort is one thing I know I need to stop doing.

As you can tell, 'fashion' is still up there on my naviagation, and that's for good reason.

Like I mentioned above, I have been working hard on how I can love myself. When I go out, I used to think everybody was looking at me. Not in a narcissistic way, in a way filled with nasty comments on how I looked or judging me for what I was wearing. It didn't matter how far from the truth I knew it was, in my head, it was exactly what they were thinking.

So I've been practising some things:

  1. Making eye-content with people - this always scared me as I thought they could see into my vulnerable soul. Apparently, they can't.
  2. Wearing what I feel comfortable in, and showing off my style - if I'm going to gain all this self-love and confidence, it's going to be in my skin.
  3. Not thinking that everyone who looks at me is judging me - even if they are, it's not something that I need to be worried about.
  4. Take those compliments - shocking as it may seem. I need to start realising that people are paying compliments with true and beautiful intention.

I even managed to upload a full body photograph on Instagram.

Now, this was something that took a lot of work. My full-bodied image was hovering in my drafts folder for a while before I had the guts to post it. I honestly can't express how nice it made me feel inside knowing it's one of my most liked photos, with the most number of comments. Knowing that people were taking the time to actually compliment me was, I think, the turning point for me. It led me to writing this post and making this pledge.

I'm pledging self-love.

I'm pledging that I'm going to use this platform as I intended it to be used; a way to share my love for style and very pink and very cute outfits. I want people to get familiar with me so I can be the face of my blog. Please don't expect me to be pictured in my next post, as you won't be seeing me just yet. Not only have I schedule all my posts for this year, but I think I need to work myself up to it, but it's going to happen.

This is going to be a long journey filled with ups and downs, but I have put it out there now into the universe. This was the first step and probably one of the hardest.

Thank you for making it through my ramble. Let me know in the comments below any tips you have for me to help with loving myself more. If you feel like you don't give yourself enough self-love, please pledge with me and let's make this change together.