An Open Letter To My Younger Self

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Dear Aycan,

You have probably seen the length of this letter and have already lost interest, (you was never one who enjoyed reading), but I’m going to let you into a little secret, reading and writing is going to change you and your world. That is also the only secret I’m going to be sharing with you. One of the qualities you have that I love the most is your imagination. Never let that go, no matter how crazy it might seem, or how much it could get you in trouble. You’re a true storyteller, and when the time is right, you will tell the world your story.

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Another quality you have that will always grow with you is your ambition. You think up the wildest scenario you could possibly imagine, but there is never a "no" in that thought. It's always just filled with plans and excitement. Money doesn't stop you. Time doesn't stop you. Motivation definitely doesn't stop you. The main reason I am writing this to you is that I want you to know that I, me, you, is your number one supporter. You can spend days feeling like there is no future, and that you're going nowhere, but those days when you have an idea, and are working as hard as you always are, those are the days that really matter. You're a fighter, and even from a young age, you have been fighting everyday. You always set the highest of goals, and even though that is amazing, learn to take breaks. It doesn't matter if it's just an hour, a whole day, or an entire week, just do it. You know how your mind works better than anyone else, and that mind works really hard, so let it rest. You have always been so focused, but make sure you enjoy yourself too. You deserve it.

Please hold onto your confidence. It is something that sadly doesn't last very long. You were always the girl in the room people would notice first. Not because you're screaming for attention, but because of that presence you have. You make everyone feel welcome and comfortable, and have always been a great friend to all. Talking of friends, they will come and go, even the ones who you thought would stick around forever. Don't worry though, you'll always have a great group of friends, and a really positive support system around you. You have a great judge of character too, so if you ever have any doubts about people, you're probably right.

You love to make future plans. One year, five years, ten years into the future, but I don't mean to burst your bubble, most of that won't happen. Not that it won't ever happen, just not when you expected. That's ok. You was never one for change, but please embrace it when it happens. When unexpected things happen, don't be afraid. The unexpected has always scared you as you like to be super organised, and know exactly what's happening down to a T. For a lot of the time it won't happen that way, but honestly, that's when you've made the best decisions. You love being under pressure, as you have no time to overthink. Your quick decisions will always make better outcomes.

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A lot of factors about your life will become clearer once you're older, but don't think about it too much, I have only started working certain things out myself. I'm not going to tell you exactly what, because it's the journey you've been on that has made you the strong person you are. It's the people you will meet that will let you understand what loyalty is really like, and it's sadly the other small percentage of people you will meet that will push you to your limits, break you down, but after all, have taught you the most about yourself and what you can overcome.

Never be afraid to try something new. If the opportunity is there, just take it, you can worry about the rest later. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are sometimes too independent for your own good, but if there's people around you wanting to help, let them. Don't ever hide your real emotions, or the real you. It's ok to feel sad, it doesn't make you weak, it's how you build yourself up which makes you stronger. People love you for that, and maybe one day, you will love that too. Never let fear take over. I know you love to feed off fear, but if you push it too far, you won't be able to stop it.

I said I wouldn't reveal anymore secrets, but I'm going to let you into a few more, just to keep you guessing:

  1. you will become a vegetarian (by choice)
  2. you will fall in love with a place so much, you will spend a lot of your time trying to make it your home
  3. you will go to a university far away home, and love it
  4. you will turn a hobby into a career

If there is one thing to take from this letter, is never change who you are. Not for the ones you love, or for the ones who love you. There is something special about you, not even I have worked that out yet, but we will one day.

Thank you for reading.

Lots of love, Aycan xx

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